[Music clip: From The Magic Flute]
01 — Intro. My informal poll the other week on our theme music revealed a strong preference among Radio Derb listeners for the Haydn, so we shall be keeping that as our principal theme. We are, though, as you know, keen supporters of minority rights here at RD, so the dissenting minority here will be thrown a bone now and again. That was a nice juicy bone: a little Mozart. All by way of welcoming listeners old and new to Radio Derb, hosted here by the imperturbably genial John Derbyshire. Lots of news to savor this week, so here we go.
02 — Holder seeks CIA prosecutions. Here's an item in the Los Angeles Times about the Justice Department pondering whether to prosecute CIA agents who are found to have squirted more than the approved quantity of water up a terrorist's nose. I don't know which irks me more about these stories: the savage partisan vindictiveness that is obviously driving Barack Obama and Eric Holder, or the simpering, girlish sanctimony with which they deny their motives. Quote from the L.A. Times: "President Obama has repeatedly expressed reluctance to launch a criminal investigation of the interrogation program, but has left room for the prosecution of individuals who may have broken the law." Oh yeah, Obama is so-o-o-o reluctant, don't you know. Yet somehow the prosecutions will go ahead anyway. Lives and careers will be wrecked, and families bankrupted, so that Obama and Holder can strut and preen as paragons of high morality. Another quote from the L.A. Times story: "Justice Department officials and legal experts regard the waterboarding abuses as cases that hold the most promise for prosecution." They want something with promise, you see. They are diligently seeking cases they can prosecute — low-level people they can smash with the mighty hammer of federal justice, and boast about the deed for the rest of their lives to their lefty America-hating fan clubs. Uniformed Black Panthers with billy clubs patrol a voting place, yelling insults at white voters, and Justice is fine with it. No crime committed there, nothing to see, move along please. But then, national security employees faced with the world's hardest men, trying to find out what they know, are easy fodder for the so-called Justice Department and it's ten thousand lefty lawyers. They say that in a democracy we get the government we deserve, but I'll be damned if I know what we did to deserve Eric Holder. Right now I'd settle for having Janet Reno back, and I don't say that lightly.
03 — Bam, Bam, the amnesty man. See if you can figure out what the topic is here. "Broken system …" "Pathway to citizenship …" "out of the shadows …" Yes, folks, it's amnesty time, and the amnesty warriors can't even be bothered to think up new catch-prases. Here was President Obama on Monday down in Guadalajara, Mexico, promising that the federal government will enforce the people's laws, fortify our nation's borders, expel people living here illegally, and ask congress to abolish birthright citizenship. [Laugh] Just kidding, folks. Here's what Obama actually said, according to the Washington Post, quote: "We can create a system in which you have … an orderly process for people to come in, but we're also giving an opportunity for those who are already in the United States to be able to achieve a pathway to citizenship so that they don't have to live in the shadows." In the matter of immigration, administration policy can be summed up as Leave No Cliché Behind. It's awfully tiring to have to keep doing this, but let's knock down those clichés one more time. "We can create a system in which you have … an orderly process for people to come in." Well, yes, we can, and in fact we have. There are currently more than eighty visa categories under which foreigners can come to the U.S.A. Most of them allow the visitor to work here; for example H-2A, temporary agricultural worker, or L-1, intracompany transfer, or P-1, P-2, P-3, artists and entertainers, or R-1, religious workers. There are dozens of ways for foreigners to come to the U.S.A. Should a foreigner want to settle permanently in the U.S.A., there are well-established procedures for that, too. So why is the President saying "We can create a system"? We have a system. I can testify to this; I went through the sytem. Next, that "pathway to citizenship." First off, once again, there is already a pathway to citizenship. I walked that pathway, trust me on this. Second, some high proportion of illegal immigrants — the people the President is talking about — couldn't care less about citizenship. They just want to live and work here. They know their American-born kids will have citizenship, and that's good enough for them. And then, "out of the shadows." Well, they're in the shadows because they broke the law. If discovered, they're liable for deportation. Bringin them out of the shadows means lifting the threat of deportation from people living here illegally. Is that what we want to do? We want to say to the whole world, including the five billion or so people who living in nations poorer than Mexico: "Hey, if you can get yourself on to U.S. territory, by menas legal or otherwise, we promise not to deport you." That's our message to the world? Deportation is a perfectly reasonable and humane action to take when people are settled here illegally. Every other nation in the world practices it, including of course Mexico. So the President's remarks make no sense. I would say the the glittering prospect of twenty million new Democratic voters has got the President too excited to think traight, except that his use of the weariest, most worn-out clichés suggests that he has never really thought about this topic at all.
04 — Chávez tees off golfers. There's always been an element of class warfare associated with the noble game of golf. Here's a little ditty from the bad old days of child labor.
The golf links lie so near the mill
That almost every day
The little children hard at work
Can watch the men at play.
Hugo Chávez, President-for-Life of Venezuela, must have heard that ditty too. Last week he declared golf a, quote, "bourgeois sport," and said that golf courses should be shut down and the land used to house poor people. Critics of the Comandante's antigolf campaign pointed out that Cuba, the socialist model revered by Chávez, is building ten new golf courses as part of a bid to raise tourist revenues. Chávez replied to those critics in his own characteristic fashion. [Gunfire]
05 — Hillary loses it. Bill Clinton is still all aglow from his triumph in Pyongyang last week, when he sprang two of Al Gore's employees from the fell clutches of crazy dictator Kim Jong Il. The U.S. government paid no price and made no concessions in exchange for the journalists' release, no Sir. Absolutely not! Kim's tender heart just melted when he got the phone call from Bubba, who is loved and respected the world over. He agreed to free the ladies in exchange for nothing, absolutely nothing, more than a photo-op with the ex-President and a couple of half-hour lessons in how to make the lip tremble and how to squeeze a tear from a dry eye. That was the whole deal. Nothing to do with nukes, aid, or diplomatic recognition. Absolutely nothing. It would be shameful to suggest otherwise. Meantime, while Bubba was bestriding the world like a colossus and Obama himself was zipping around to various foreign parts to shed the light of his countenance upon them, who's this plump lady in a pant suit, sweating it out in Africa? Why, it's Hillary, our Secretary of State for Places That Aren't Very Important. She was actually in the Congo — in the country, I mean, not actually in, you know, the river — fielding questions from students at a press conference. One of the questions came to her as: "What does Mr. Clinton think about a Chinese trade deal with the Congo?" Poor Hillary, probably thinking wistfully of her nice soft seat in the air-conditioned Senate chamber, flew off the handle. Quote from Hillary: "My husband is not Secretary of State, I am. If you want my opinion I will tell you my opinion. I am not going to be channeling my husband." ABC News tells us that the question was actually mis-translated. In the original Congonian, the student had asked what President Obama thought of the deal. The student came up to Hillary afterwards and explained this to her. "No immediate word yet how Clinton responded," said ABC. Well, Radio Derb had a reporter at the news conference, so I can tell you how she reponded. She knocked the student down with a right hook, then stomped on his throat. Hey, Hillary: Get as mad as you like, lady — you still won't be a United States Senator. Nyah nyah!
06 — Chino prison riot. Last week Radio Derb reported on a federal judge's order to the state of California that the state must release 40,000 of its 150,000 prisoners because prison conditions are so bad. We had barely stepped away from the microphone when a riot broke out in the California Institute for Men at Chino on Saturday. California Institute for Men, I should explain, is a state correctional facility. It's an older one, with a lot of wooden buildings, and it's supposed to house nonviolent criminals. This riot, like practically all prison riots, was between black and Hispanic prisoners — one of the fruits of that "diversity" we are all exhorted to celebrate. I guess the Chino inmates were celebrating it, in their own vibrant way. 55 inmates were hospitalized and one of the buildings was burned down. California prisons used to divide new inmates by race for the first 60 days, until their propensity for violence could be evaluated. Then they'd be assigned cellmates as race-neutrally as possible without endangering order in the prison. Then one day a black inmate, Garrison Johnson, having nothing better to do, filed a nuisance lawsuit challenging this sensible practice. In 2005 the Supreme Court duly ruled this temporary segregation unconstitutional. Now inmates of different races have to be housed together from the get-go, and the result is what we saw last Saturday. Thanks to those wise and good Supreme Court justices, especially Ruth Bader Ginsburg, with their deep and intimate knowledge of correctional management. A few more decisions like that, and California's prison overcrowding problems may solve themselves.
07 — Hispanics vs. blacks. Those last two segments actually have a connection. If you think about them hard enough you can see it. Listeners who are not New Yorkers might have trouble with this, though, so I'll explain. Here's the connection. You'll need to follow carefully here. When Hillary took up her position as Secretary of State, she had to leave the U.S. Senate. Then it was up to New York Governor David Paterson, a black guy, to nominate a replacement. He nominated Kirsten Gillibrand, at that point a U.S. representative from New York's 20th district, a bunch of rural and suburban counties upstate near Albany. At the time, we New York conservatives, all twelve of us, thought it was not a bad pick, Ms. Gillibrand being something of a blue dog Democrat, a strong supporter of the NRA for example, and against amnesty for illegal aliens. As soon as she got to the Senate, however, Ms. Gillibrand set about winning Strange New Respect from Democratic power brokers as fast as she could, and last time I saw her she was heading leftwards at close to the speed of light. Anyway, that's by the by. The main thing about Ms. Gillibrand is that she is non-Hispanic white. That vexed New York Hispanics, who thought Paterson should have nominated a Latino, or better yet a wise Latina, to the Senate seat. They've been disgruntled for years that the powerful black lobbies in the state don't, as they see it, give Latinos enough respect. So in June this year the Latinos staged a coup in the state legislature. The upper house, New York State senate, was held by Democrats under a black senate majority leader, Malcolm Smith. The Democratic majority, however, was only 32 to 30. Well, in June the Latinos decided to assert themselves. Two Hispanic senators, Pedro Espada and Hiram Monserrate, both Democrats, declared they'd be voting with the Republicans. This was a way for Latinos to poke a finger in the eye of blacks, most especially the eyes of Malcolm Smith, and the aforementioned black Governor, David Paterson. The state senate was totally dysfunctional for a while there, until the black leadership and the Latino insurgents agreed on a set of bribes to get the Latinos back in line. One of the bribes seems to have been a job for Espada's son. The job, deputy assistant administrative assistant to one of the state Democrat bosses, pays $120,000 a year. It comes with an office, but no-one has yet seen Espada, Jr. show up at the office. Anyway, Espada, Sr. is the new senate majority leader and he and the other Latino insurgents are voting with the Democrats again. This will likely continue. New York, as has often been said, has the nation's most dependable politicians: once bought, they stay bought. So everything's calmed down in the state legislature. We did, though, get a glimpse, in that state senate fracas — just as we did in the Chino prison riot — we did get a glimpse of the coming struggle for power between blacks and Hispanics. That's America's future — a future bequeathed to us by the open-borders lobbyists. Thanks a million, guys.
08 — Gillibrand home free. Just a footnote to that one. New York Hispanics are still disgruntled, and the subject of their disgruntlement is still our new United States Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. As an appointee, Senator Gillibrand has to run for election next year. Since state Hispanics are still miffed that Paterson didn't pick one of theirs to replace Hillary Clinton, it stands to reason they'd like to run a primary candidate, a Latino of course, against Ms. Gillibrand next year. Everyone was betting on Jose Serrano, congressman from the Bronx, to challenge Gillibrand in the primary. Well, well: Jose tells the New York Daily News he's been … dissuaded from doing so. Quote from him: "I've been in office 35 years … I've never seen this type of pressure to get candidates out of the way. The White House, the vice president, the senator …" End quote. When Jose says "the senator" there, he means Chuck Schumer, our other senator. The logic here is not hard to figure. To be a congressman, you need to get the people of one little congressional district to vote for you. If that district is, oh, say, the Bronx, and you are Hispanic, there's no problem. The Bronx is 51 percent Hispanic. To be a U.S. Senator, however, you have to get an entire state voting for you. The Bronx may be 51 percent Hispanic, but New York State as a whole is only fifteen percent Hispanic, and sixteen percent black. No offense, guys, but for the U.S. Senate seats, Democratic power brokers like Obama and Schumer would much prefer a white candidate, so Gillibrand will be facing no primary challenges, Hispanic or otherwise. Sorry, Jose. While blacks and Hispanics slug it out in prison dormitories and state senate chambers, the United States Senate is still a white folks' club, for a few years longer.
09 — Yale chicken on Islam. You remember the Danish cartoon row of four years ago, when Denmark's main daily newspaper published twelve cartoons poking various degrees of fun at the prophet Muhammed. Well, Yale University press has a book coming out in November, title The Cartoons That Shook the World. Just one problem with the book: the offending cartoons aren't in it. John Donatich, the director of Yale University Press, whimpered that the decision not to include the cartoons was, quote, "difficult." The author of the book, a Danish lady named Jytte Klausen, wanted the cartoons included. She also wanted some other pictures included: a drawing of Mohammed for a children's book, a printed image of the prophet from the days of the Ottoman Empire, and Gustave Doré's famous engraving from his illustrations for Dante's Inferno. Just to remind those of you who've forgotten your Dante, Mohammed's in Canto 28 of the Inferno, split open with his guts hanging down between his legs, as punishment for being a disseminator of scandal and schism, seminator di scandalo e di scisma. Well, those pictures had to go too. The author agreed under protest. She did take a stand, though, when the Yale wussies told her she could read a 14-page justification of their decision, with remarks from several experts they consulted, only if she signed an agreement not to discuss what she'd read. Ms. Klausen, to her credit, declined. I guess it's not a great surprise to learn that a place like Yale University is a spine-free zone. These people — the professoriat, the administrators, the University press — have been caving in to the far Left, the race lobbies, the feminist and gay lobbies, the multicultural lobbies, for decades. What would be surprising would be to hear that some employee of Yale University had finally gotten himself a pair. John Donatich, the director of Yale University Press, sniveled that if he published the pictures he would, quote, "have blood on my hands." But look at the logic here. A says to B: "Accept my values and standards!" B replies: "Why should I? They are totally at odds with the norms of my culture and civilization. Some of them seem to me to be barbarous; some seem downright crazy." A counters with this: "If you don't accept my values and standards, I'll go out and commit murder." B now answers with: "Oh, I see. In that case, in order not to have blood on my hands, I will accept your values and standards." Now here is what B should say: "If you go out and commit murder, for any reason, I very much hope that the authorities in the jurisdiction where you commit your crime will arrest and punish you. If they need any assistance from me in doing so, I shall be glad to provide it." That would be a proper, civilized and manly response … which, of course, means that it would be far too much to expect from the weasels of Yale.
10 — Miscellany. We've run way over our time allotment here, listeners, I'm afraid. My producer is making frantic signals through the glass window there, and I can see my petite young assistants, Mandy, Candy, and Brandy, waving their loofahs at me, to signal that it's time for my midday rub-down. Just the very briefest of short items to close out with, then.
Item: A survey of 1,000 adults in the Netherlands yielded 88 percent as voting for a visit to the bathroom as something they enjoy the most, making it the most popular activity chosen. Only 21 per cent named sex as the activity they enjoyed the most. Formerly famous for windmills, tulips, dykes, and creamy varieties of cheese, the Netherlands is now the bathroom capital of the world. The Netherlands' large Muslim population seems not to have been represented in the survey. At any rate, hacking off infidels' heads did not show up on the list of most enjoyable activities.
Item: As I have been predicting, the Augustine Committee — that's the congressional Human Space Flight Plans Committee, headed up by retired aerospace executive Norm Augustine — is laughing at NASA's plans for landing more men on the moon in 2020. No way, says the committee, you're over budget already. The committee said NASA would be better off sending astronauts to Lagrange points. Those are points on the Moon's orbit 60 degrees ahead, and 60 degrees behind, the Moon itself, where there are little gravitational wells you can rest at. There's probably some random dust and stones hanging out at the Lagrange points. Real interesting, huh? That's the future of manned space flight, as currently envisaged. Travel 240,000 miles to look at some dust. The price is right, anyway — that's the main thing.
Item: The 13th annual Robocup was played in the city of Graz, Austria. This is a soccer tournament played by robots, or to be exact, by simulated robots on a computer screen. In other words, it's basically a geekfest. No word yet on who's ahead in the tournament, but competition is fierce for the coveted gold pocket protector award.
Item: A little insight into British conservatism here. The Tory Party, a/k/a the Conservative Party, is the vanguard of conservatism in Britain, at least in theory. Well, here was Tory Member of the European Parliament Daniel Hannan, who made that very stirring speech attacking Prime Minister Gordon Brown a few weeks ago. Mr. Hannan was on Fox News, the Sean Hannity show, the other day, blasting away at the British National Health Service, the NHS, which, quote, "puts the power of life and death in a state bureaucracy." Well, Mr. Hannan's leader, top Conservative David Cameron, wasn't standing for that. "The Conservative Party stands four square behind the NHS," screamed Cameron. Anything else you want to know about British conservatism?
Item: The Social Security Administration's annual Most Popular Baby Names list is out for 2008. Guess which name shot up from number 12,535 in 2007 to number 2,409 in 2008? Yes, it's Barack. The SSA predicts that Barack will even crack the top 1,000 this year. I dunno guys, signs are the 2008 was as good as it was ever going to get for Barack. No mention of "Husein" in the SSA report — what's up with that?
Item: President Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov of Turkestan is still resting.
Item: In Bangkok, Thailand, an elephant fell down a manhole.
11 — Signoff. There you have it, Radio Derb listeners. These may be the dog days of summer, but there's plenty of stuff happening out there. Depend on Radio Derb to sort and filter it for you, and present it over the airwaves with exquisite fairness and balance, not the faintest hint of partisan preference or bias disfiguring our reports. Tune in again next week for more of the news you need from Radio Derb.
[Music clip: From The Magic Flute]