[Music clip: From Haydn's Derbyshire Marches]
01 — Intro. [Obama clip: "Make sure that the young people, African Americans, Latinos, and women who powered our victory in 2008 stand together once again."] OK, Mr President, we'll try to make sure of that … but … Mr President, what about us old white Anglo guys? Do you have anything to say to us? Mr President? [Crickets chirping] Got it. Thank you, Mr President. And greetings, ladies and gentlemen, to another broadcast of Radio Derb. This is your sycophantically genial host John Derbyshire with all the news of the hour. You heard one of Haydn's Derbyshire Marches there, followed by the voice of our president urging his followers on to victory. Most eloquently, I must say. I wish I could do that lispy thing with the "t" in "Latino" that all the politically correct types seem to know how to do. They must practice it for hours. Though according to this warning letter I got recently from the federal Department of Diversity Enforcement, I should mainly concentrate on getting the em-pha-sis on the right syll-a-ble. La … La-teen … La-cheen-o … La-theen-o … how do you do that?
02 — Arizona immigration law. Two weeks ago Radio Derb reported on the passing by Arizona's state legislature of a bill empowering police in the state to check a person's immigration status when that person has come to their attention for some reason. We predicted that the governor of Arizona would sign the bill. Governor Jan Brewer did indeed sign it, last Friday. Now the race lobbies, the Reconquista lobbies, the cheap labor lobbies, and the hate-America leftist lobbies are all screaming blue murder. Or actually, blue racial profiling, as murder is not a thing that happens when you enforce immigration laws. It's more a thing that happens when you don't enforce them. You could ask the surviving relatives of border rancher Rob Krenz about that; or the parents of 3-year-old Martin Kudlis, killed in 2008 by an illegal alien who'd been arrested a dozen times in the previous five years but never deported, or grieving San Francisco widow Danielle Bologna, whose family was wiped out by an illegal alien gunman in Mayor Gavin Newsom's sanctuary city by the bay, or ten thousand other Americans who've lost loved ones to the invasion. Where was I? — Oh yes, they're screaming blue murder. Well, let's scream right back at 'em.
03 — War against the middle class. To tell the truth, as regular listeners will know, screaming
isn't really Radio Derb's style. If it's a foam-flecked rant you're wanting, go watch Keith Olbermann. When I need a scream, I get one of my
research assistants to fake one. Candy, would you do us the honors please? [Scream] Thanks, Honey. And this is kind of the problem. Allow me to
I've always liked the American middle class, since I first encountered them forty years ago. What's not to like? Middle-class Americans are polite and hospitable, generous and kind, law-abiding and patriotic. This is indeed, as my colleague Florence King once tagged it, the Republic of Nice. The problem with being so nice, however, is that the un-nice will take advantage of you. They'll bully and manipulate you. They'll turn you against your neighbor and make you feel bad about yourself, using your own generous values as a weapon against you, in a sort of politico-cultural ju-jitsu.
American political life today isn't really a struggle between two parties; it's a struggle between the political and the un-political — between, on the one hand, activist ideologues and cynical rent-seekers, and on the other, mild middle-class types who'd rather just get on with living their lives and raising their families while bothering with politics as little as possible. Class-wise, it's not the rich against the poor: It's the rich and the poor united against the middle. The overclass has allied with the underclass to milk the middle class. By way of fortifying the alliance, the overclass is keen to import tens of millions of high school dropouts from Mexico, to keep the ranks of their underclass allies well filled up with cannon fodder, and to make it easier to browbeat the middle class with charges of racism if they dare to raise any objection to alliance advances and usurpations.
That's the context in which this fuss about the Arizona law should be seen. The United States today is a gigantic press, the overclass looking for cheap profits and cheap grace, the underclass looking for free benefits and make-work jobs in the public sector, and in between them the poor old American middle class having the blood squeezed out of it to pay for everything. Should the middle class try to rebel, as they have with the Tea Party movement, all their good-natured values are turned against them. They're told that they are full of "hate," when there has never in the history of the world been a body of people less inclined to hatred than middle-class Americans. They're told they are Nazis, when their fathers and grandfathers suffered and died to destroy Nazism. They're told that they're nativists, when they've been turning the other cheek for decades as foreigners pour into the country in defiance of our laws. They're told they're "anti-immigrant," when half their own parents and grandparents were immigrants.
As the overclass sneers at them and the underclass threatens them, America's middle class soldiers on, keeping the country going, keeping the lights on, getting up on cold winter mornings to feed their families, perform their civic duties, mind the laws, pay their own bills, and then pay all over again to support the underclass, even as the underclass swells with foreign scofflaws, swamping our schools, hospitals, courts, and prisons.
Well, guess what: middle-class Americans can still vote. Because they are too decent to care about politics, they don't always vote wisely, but once in while they get to have their own way, passing a law that throws sand in the gears of the overclass-underclass alliance. Then all hell breaks loose from both ends of that alliance. The overclass lays down thundering barrages of rhetoric about "hate" and "Nazis" and "profiling," while Al Sharpton and La Raza mobilize to march and break a few middle-class windows. That's what you've been seeing this week: the outrage of the politicals, that the un-politicals dare to defy their will — which is, as they never cease to remind us, rooted in the highest ideals of morality and social justice, never in self-interest. Not at all!
04 — Weakness on the Right. It follows from all that, that it's by no means just the Left that is out to lunch on immigration. Plenty of conservative pundits and Republican politicians travel with the alliance. Heck, the last Republican administration was a pillar of the alliance for eight years, fighting tooth and nail against enforcement of immigration laws. By their catch-phrases shall ye know them. Here are a few favorites.
- Catch-phrase: "We need a temporary worker program." No we don't. We already have one. In fact we have at least five. There's the E visa, the H-1B visa, the H-2B visa, the H-3 visa, and the L visa. Every one of those visas is a temporary worker program, and they cover everything from fruit pickers to brain surgeons. They all come with quota numbers, which Congress can adjust up or down in fifteen minutes' business if they choose to. What are we lacking here?
- Catch-phrase: "Our immigration system is broken." It's a real hot day, ninety degrees in the shade. Why am I sitting here in my office sweating? Why isn't the air conditioning on? Is the system broken? No, I just haven't bothered to switch it on. There's nothing broken about our immigration system, either. It has all the laws, regulations, and programs it needs. Washington just doesn't bother to apply and enforce them.
- Catch-phrase: "If cops go around saying 'Your papers, please!' then we're a police state." No, we're not. In a police state, cops can do as they please, and citizens have no recourse in law. Cops in the U.S.A. are so hamstrung by regulations it's amazing they get anything done at all, and this country is crawling with lawyers on the lookout for a nice juicy Civil Rights case. You can't operate a system of law at all unless people can identify themselves and prove their status. I had to prove mine the other day. I went to apply for medicare, and they asked to see my Certificate of Naturalization. I showed it to them. Occasionally I get stopped on the highway, and a cop asks to see my license and vehicle registration. I show them to him. I await phone calls from the Civil Rights lawyers.
- Catch-phrase: "Hispanic citizens will be asked to prove their citizenship more than others." Yes, they probably will. Citizenship comes with minor inconveniences like that. Compared with other inconveniences of citizenship — paying taxes, registering for the draft — this seems to me pretty picayune. A huge majority of illegal immigrants are Hispanic, though, and cops will cast their nets where the fish are, just to avoid wasting their time — time that Hispanic citizens, like other citizens, are paying for through taxes. If Hispanic citizens find this so intolerably obnoxious, the solution is for them to discourage Hispanic non-citizens from scoffing at the nation's laws.
- Catch-phrase: "We can't deport them all." Yes we can, and we should. Having twelve million settlers unlawfully camped on our territory is a national disgrace, an insult to our conception of ourselves as a nation of laws. Our government should enforce the people's laws. When they refuse to do so, they are throwing an insult in the faces of the American people, and undermining the foundations of our political order. Enforce the law, dammit!
- Catch-phrase: "We need these young immigrants coming in to keep our entitlements system solvent." Oh right. Mass immigration is the solution to our public finance problems. Right. I guess that's why California, the state with the biggest number, and biggest proportion, of illegal immigrants, is also the state whose public finances are the envy of us all. Right. While Montana, with only small numbers of immigrants, is a fiscal sink-hole. Right. Got it.
- Catch-phrase: "We don't want to break up families." No more do I. If a family member's here illegally, let's deport the whole family, intact, back to their home country.
05 — Gordon Brown drops a clanger. For further insight into the contempt and loathing with which the political classes look down on the poor saps who pay for their paté de foie gras, just glance across the Pond with me a moment. There's an election campaign going on over there, and the party leaders are out campaigning. Now, one of the rules of successful campaigning is to know when the microphone is on. Gordon Brown, leader of the left-wing Labour Party, momentarily forgot this. Out on the campaign trail, bravely exposing himself to the filthy ignorant trolls whose votes, by some sort of colossal cosmic error, he has to win, found himself up against 66-year-old Gillian Duffy. Mrs Duffy complained about her social security benefit being taxed. Then she asked "How are you going to get us out of all this debt, Gordon?" Then she touched the third rail: [Clip: "You can't say anything about the immigrants because you're saying that you're, er … Well, all these Eastern Europeans what are coming in, where are they flocking from? "] [Klaxon] [Scream] Oh my god! You see, Britain's political class is even more determined than ours to elect a new people by mass demographic transformation. Their strategy, like that of our own elites, is two-pronged: First, switch off all enforcement of immigration laws and open the gates. Second, tell anyone who complains that they are evil, cruel people full of hate, seeking to separate mothers from their infants and establish apartheid justice. The strategy has been even more successful in Britain than it has been over here. The native British are so cowed and intimidated they dare not even utter the dreaded r-word, as that clip of Mrs Duffy illustrates. Ah, but the elite classes, with their high morality and superior wisdom, know what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Gillian Duffy can mince words all she likes, but Gordon Brown knows what she's like inside. Driving off after the encounter, with his jacket microphone still attached, Brown was chatting with his minders. [Clip: Minder — "What did she say?" Brown — "Oh, everything. She's just a sort of bigoted woman that said she used to be Labour."] Well, that was broadcast on the evening news so the whole country heard it. The other party leaders piled on, though of course they nurse the same loathing and contempt for ordinary people and their values as Gordon Brown. Meanwhile, does Mrs Duffy's complaint have any merit? Item from the London Daily Mail, April 8, quote: "Overall, immigration has accounted for more than 1.64 million of the 1.67 million jobs created since 1997," end quote. Put it another way, of all the new jobs Britain has created in the last 13 years, 98½ percent have gone to foreign immigrants. If you complain about this, you're a bigot, deserving of nothing but scorn and contempt from all decent people — which is to say, multi-culturalist liberals. That is Gordon Brown's stated opinion. On the record.
06 — Congress vs. Goldman Sachs. Well, well; when they can spare time from the hard work of not overseeing the enforcement of our immigration laws, what are the congresscritters in Washington DC doing? Are they overseeing anything? or just passing two thousand page bills that none of them has read? Well, yes, they actually are doing some oversight. They've been overseeing the trading operations of Goldman Sachs. What, the same Goldman Sachs that's been stuffing their pockets with campaign cash this past 20 years — a million dollars this last election cycle just to Barack Obama alone? That Goldman Sachs? Shhhh! You're not supposed to have noticed that. Yes, it's Goldman Sachs the investment bank. Why is Goldman Sachs up in front of a Senate panel? Ah, well, you see, one of their deals went bad and someone important lost a lot of money. Doesn't that happen all the time on Wall Street? Sure, but at this point in the political cycle congresscritters believe they have to do that act where they pretend to be in sympathy with the ordinary citizen — you know, people like, oh, say, Gillian Duffy — and to be defending poor Gillian from evil capitalist predators like Goldman Sachs. So we got Senator Carl Levin of Michigan jeering at Goldman execs Lloyd Blankfein and Daniel Sparks. Fortunately Blankfein and Sparks are guys with real jobs in the real world, and they can take care of themselves against dimwit senatorial seat-warmers like Levin. Customers came to Goldman looking for risk, said Blankfein, and "that's what they got." Damn right. Nobody has to buy Goldman securities; and people who do buy them have staffs of analysts in the back office to calculate what's likely to happen. If their calculation comes out differently from Goldman's, well, someone's going to win the bet and someone's going to lose. Goldman bundled up a billion dollars' worth of securities and sold them to willing buyers. Congress bundled up a trillion dollars of health-care legislation and dumped it on a nation that, according to polls, did not want it. Who are the crooks here? Who's being careless with other people's money?
07 — Naval engagements. I'm going to ask you to cast your minds back nine weeks to the February 26 broadcast of Radio Derb. That shouldn't be difficult for you: I know Radio Derb fans memorize every word of every broadcast. Well, back on February 26 I fired a broadside at Adm. Gary Roughead, chief of naval operations in, of course, the U.S. Navy … [Clip from "We Saw the Sea"] … Yes, that's the one. Adm. Roughead had given a gushing speech about the wonders of diversity, rivaling in silliness the remarks Army General Casey made back in November after the Fort Hood shootings. Well, I left Adm. Roughead a little tattered in the rigging, but still afloat, so here goes with a couple of torpedoes. Fire one! — The prosecution of three Navy SEALs is falling apart, to the dismay of no-one but Adm. Roughead and his dedicated crews of diverity enforcers. These were the SEALs who carried out a brilliant capture of Al Qaeda terrorist Ahmed Abed, the guy who killed four American contractors and hung their bodies from a bridge in Fallujah. Abed claimed that the SEALs gave him a fat lip; and the Navy's diversity managers, once they'd been revived from their swoons, threw the book at our guys to show, as the prosecuting attorney at one of last week's courts martial actually had the brass davits to say, that we are better than the terrorists. This is a thing we need to show? Well, two of the SEALs, Petty Officer 1st Class Julio Huertas and Petty Officer 2nd Class Jonathan Keefe, were acquited at courts martial in Iraq last week. The third, Petty Officer 2nd Class Matthew McCabe, goes on trial Monday, May 3rd in Norfolk, Virginia. Various support rallies are planned at Norfolk and other locations; there's one in Fort Worth, Texas, and one in Miami, and I think one in Tampa on Sunday. Check out the website usnavyseals.com for details, and if you care about honorable military men standing up against the Oprah Winfrey inspired military culture of Adm. Roughead and Gen. Casey, go and give some support to Petty Officer 2nd Class Matthew McCabe. OK, that's that, now — Fire two! Back in February the D.o.D. announced they were ready to let women serve on submarines, subject to congressional sign-off. The deadline for objections from Congress expired this Wednesday. Congress being much too busy with hearings against Goldman Sachs and telling the people of Arizona what despicable racists they are, the deadline passed without any objections at all, so now it's official: women will serve on submarines. If I sit and think real hard for a few hours, I'm sure I could come up with a dumber idea than women on submarines, but nothing occurs at the moment. Note please that a modern nuclear-powered submarine can stay submerged indefinitely, although, it says here on Answers.com, quote: "After about 2 months … crew start getting snappy and short tempered." Yeah; you may need to revise that now, guys.
08 — Miscellany. And now … [Soaring choral music] … our closing miscellany of brief items.
Item: Do you follow this Iran business? I can't say I do. Since the Western World has no will to do anything in its own defense, not even to man its borders properly, I just assume Iran will get the bomb and proceed to create mischief with it. I assume that my grandchildren will ask in bafflement why we didn't take out Iran's nuclear sites, and Pakistan's, and North Korea's, when we had the chance. Well, I read here that, quote, "World leaders, including Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, are scheduled to gather in New York early next week for a month-long periodic review of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Egypt plans to raise demands for Israel's nuclear disarmament." End quote. In related news, the Crips and Bloods are holding a convention in L.A. next week to review the nation's drug laws and demand the disarming of our city police forces.
Item: NASA scientists announced they have found evidence of pond scum on Mars. Pond scum. Better do a roll call in Congress, there might be a couple missing.
Item: China's women's gymnastics team won the bronze at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Well, now they have to give their medals back. The International Gymnastics Federation found that one of the Chinese gymnasts was only 14 at the time. You're supposed to be at least 16 in the year of the Olympiad to qualify. China's Olympic committee was ordered to return the medals "as soon as possible" so they could be given to the U.S. team, which initially took fourth place. Everybody who knows anything about this subject seems to think the ChiComs cheated in the 2008 Peking Olympics, too — they won the gold for that one. The IGF won't touch that one, though, I'm told. It was such a showcase for the ChiComs; and we all know how easily the feelings of the Chinese people can be hurt, poor things.
Item: A follow-up on last week's report about the Iranian Mullah who said that immodesty in women's clothing was the cause of earthquakes. Well, a student at Purdue University tried to organize a "Boobquake Day" via Facebook. The idea was that women across America would wear their skimpiest, most revealing halter tops in defiance of the Mullah. The effect was slightly spoiled when the designated day opened in the Far East with a magnitude 6.5 earthquake off the coast of Taiwan. The ladies went ahead anyway, but the project was not well supported, and so it fell rather flat. (I was going to say "it flopped," but I wouldn't want listeners to think I'm trading in double entendres here. Or double anything. Just forget I said double. In fact, just forget the whole thing. Erase it from your mammary … ah, memory. Stop digging right here, Derb.)
Item: Let's see, what else have we got here to keep you abreast of the news? Oh, yes, a sidebar here on the immigration fuss. Leading the howls of protest was of course the government of Mexico. They said the Arizona law was a breach of human rights. That gave several people, notably the stalwart Michelle Malkin, a chance to point out the very strict treatment Mexico applies to foreign nationals on its territory. Suffice it to say that easy-going tolerance of illegal aliens is not a characteristic of Mexican policy. And that's just the official policy; what actually happens to illegals entering Mexico from further south, hoping to make it to the U.S. border, is far worse. Amnesty International put out a report on the topic this Wednesday. Sample quote: "Central American migrants are frequently pulled off trains, kidnapped en masse, held at gang hideouts and forced to call relatives in the U.S. to pay off the kidnappers. Such kidnappings affect thousands of migrants each year in Mexico, the report says. Many are beaten, raped or killed in the process." Beaten, raped, or killed — but never profiled! That's the main point.
Item: What would a session of Radio Derb be without the traditional call to Get a Government Job? Here is yet another report on the widening gap between public and private remuneration. This one's from the Commerce Department's Bureau of Economic Analysis. Sample, quote: "Federal workers are paid on average salaries that are twice as generous as those in the private sector, and they receive benefits that are four times greater," end quote. [Sigh] I'm sorry, Dad, I shoulda listened to you. Shoulda, woulda, coulda …
09 — Signoff. La-theeeen-o … La-treeen-o …, no that can't be right. The heck with it. I guess all those years of high school La-teen were wasted on me. As Quintilian observed: Philosophia simulari potest, eloquentia non potest. But then, on the other hand, Sallust remarked that satis eloquentiæ, sapientiæ parum. Take your pick. OK, Valeas, amici, and don't take any wooden denarii …
[Music clip: From Haydn's Derbyshire Marches]