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Transcription of Letter
From
J R Derbyshire
62 Frairs Avenue
Delapre
Northampton
England
To
John Derbyshire
14 Legion Drive
Valhalla
New York 10595
U.S.A.
19-3-77 62 Friars Av
Dear John,
Many thanks for your letter & Birthday for mum : &
Lou As you say bills are always regular & have to be paid in
the end & the time to
worry is when you have'nt the cash to meet them. I was just the same at your age for writing letters & it took mine
8 weeks to reach thier
destination but time flies at your age & it wont stop till you are my age & then you will find out fast time
can fly. It must have been
some meal $108 or there where a lot of you, I think I its a bit steep. Now when I talk about women I am generalising as
all women are not the
same, only certain characteristics are inherent in all. In my time I have known every type of woman & believe me
thier make up & emotions are
unfathomable & differ but when you weigh them up they amount to the same. An old comic on the stage once said,
"There are 2 stages of a
womans life which man knows nothing about, thats before he marries her & after" hence the old adage,
"You never marry the woman
you courted" hence: never think she means what she says as it only what you want to hear, & last week I told
you "never to shit on your
own door step, which being freely transelated never play about anyone who
lives or works near you, &
never marry a woman with children its fatal. At your age romance & love are only polite names for sex & are
very much overrated & sex
after marriage is there when you want it & its also there when you dont want it & this is the bigest cause of
rows in marriage. Money is the
next. You can endure the crisises if you have the money but without money behind you marriage is bloney. Now you can
say why did I marry. Well I will
tell you if you will keep it to yourself. I was a mature 42 & your mum was 29 when we met & she was engaged to
be married[1] & was fed up waiting. My Parents were old & looking after
Noel was too much so I decided I
would have a home of my own & Noel could have a mother, but it did'nt work out hence Noels 23 yrs in the army. It
was Noels fault he would'nt
share me with Mum he wanted me to his self. So I signed the Forms for him to go in the Army. Mum tried hard to please
him, but he was only 16 &
did'nt understand. he always adored Judith & you & Mum after he had been in the Army a while. I have no regrets
about marrying Mum the
advantages have all been mine & we have had our ups and downs, but in my job, I could'nt be home only Week-ends
& it left her with most of
the worry. I am telling you this so you will see I had known a lot of women & I know a lot more now & ints only
in the University of the
world that you can get that knowledge. I dont want you to think I want to live your life for you. You are gaining
experience all the time & I
like to think & want you know the many pitfalls in man woman relationship. it a signing away of your freedom &
you just get in a rut &
stagnate You & Judith saved our marriage because we both adore children & whatever you or Judith do,
right or wrong we would stand by
you because we love you & are the cause of you being here, you had no choice, we did. all this is between you &
me & I wouldnt confide in
anyone else. O K
We are longing to see you & looking forward to your visit & hope all turns out as you want it
to. You will find many changes since you left & not to the benifit of the townspeaople. Its a very changed world
now, I E. no punishment for
the crime all graft OK & no disapline crime is now a trade, well paid, & if caught promise not to
do it again & its OK with
the judge. By the way how is Tom going on is he back at work We
still dont know if they have
cancelled the China yet. Has your room mate left yet & where will it leave you or are you fixed up. Mum had a card
from
Mary & Jay. I will write
to Noel about getting
together, his son Robert is getting married in June so perhaps you will be here then Judith has a lovely Baby Boy
Ginger & its lovely to
see Tessa looking after him. Judith starts back to school on Monday
& he is going to stay at home
& look after baby ? Personaly I think its criminal to bring a child in these times because there is
bound to be an eruption soon as
everyone is tensed up & only waiting for the spark to start it off
We put the clocks on tomorrow night so spring cant be far away & I am looking forward to some
sunshine. What will you do with your car whilst you are
over here. I hope I dont bore
you with my lectures on women but I want you to be happy & as you may know, there is an old saying " Marriage
is like having a feed of
Mushrooms, you dont know whether they were Mushrooms or not till its to late. You are now in the position now of no
return with lou you cant ditch
her & work in the same place seeing her every day & I can assure she intends to marry you & is using the
usual lead up & technique as
used by Eve, they all use it, even your Mum did & it is easy for me to know it as I have been through it several
times. She has you were she
wants you so dont let it hang on. I tell you now if I was in your place I would pack the job up rather than be caught.
So read what I have told you
& sit down & have a good think, I am sure, you have to make up your mind because when you find out you will
want to get out, she will take
you to the cleaners, no different than what you have seen happen to some of the blokes you know. All for now
write soon
love
Dad Mum
X X X X X X
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Notes
- To a man named Eric Baxter, I think. He was a builder, but his business had suffered badly because of the war.