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[Music clip: From Haydn's Derbyshire March No. 2, organ version]
01 — Intro. Welcome once again, National Review readers, to Radio Derb, your one and only source for the truth behind the news.
This week I cover sex, religion, politics, and smoking, and a lady who gets awards for biting policemen. Naturally the broadcast, like life itself, begins with sex.
|02 — Jailhouse racism yes, genteel racism no. As I predicted, the
Islamofascist New York prison chaplain Umar Abdul Jalil has been fully reinstated after his two weeks' suspension.
He'd been suspended for a speech he gave to a Muslim convention in which he called George Bush a terrorist, New York City police torturers and the American media a bunch of Zionists.
Explaining his reinstatement of the chaplain, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg said, quote: "You can't fire someone for things they do outside the office."
Well, he might want to tell that to Terry Parker, who is the district attorney for Allegheny County, New York. Mr Parker had an assistant attorney working for him, one Michael Regan. Last month Mr Regan went off to attend a conference organized by the New Century Foundation in Virginia. New Century is a white nationalist outfit. They argue that Americans of European descent ought to agitate for their group interests just as African Americans and Hispanic Americans do.
Mr Regan didn't address the conference, but he did tell the Washington Post reporter when asked that he thought that, quote: "Current immigration policy is adverse to the interests of European American Christians." End Quote. His boss, the aforementioned Terry Parker up in Allegheny County, promptly fired him.
The Anti-Defamation League describes the New Century Foundation as a vehicle for, quote, "genteel racism." So apparently, in New York at least, jailhouse racism is pardonable, but genteel racism is a firing offense. Go figure.
|03 — A trillion here, a trillion there … I see Congress has
increased the nation's line of credit to nine trillion dollars.
Does this mean anything to you? It doesn't to me, but then I'm an economic ignoramus. All I know is that the dollars they're talking about in stories like this aren't really the folding green kind in my pocket. They are some different kind of stuff.
Friends who claim to understand economics tell me the national debt doesn't matter. It's not that big as a proportion of GDP, they tell me, which is what counts. Most of it is money that one government department owes to another, they tell me. I don't get that, but that's what they tell me.
Not all that much is actually owed to foreigners: 668 billion to Japan, 263 billion to China. Oh, that's all right, then.
Still I can't help thinking: When I pay my federal income tax, don't some of my dollars ended up in Tokyo and Peking, paying the coupons on all those U.S. bonds the foreigners hold? And if the federal government didn't spend so much, wouldn't it need to borrow less?
But as I said, I am economically naive. Nine trillion dollars of national debt is, I'm sure, a jolly good thing. It strengthens our nation and enhances our lives, I have no doubt.
Why don't we raise it to ten? That's a much rounder number; and we'd all be another trillion dollars better off.
|04 — A new victim group. I've been getting acquainted with a victim group I
had never encountered before: albinos — or "people with albinism," as I'm told I should say.
This has all come up as a result of the movie that has been made from Dan Brown's novel The Da Vinci Code. The movie's due to come out in May.
One of the villains of the book is an albino monk. Oh, sorry: a monk with albinism … or a person with monkhood and albinism … whatever. Anyway, the people with albinism are upset that the movie might lead to discrimination against them.
I think I can offer some reassurance that this won't happen. I have a British accent, as you can tell. Every sinister movie villain of the last thirty years has had a British accent, from Donald Pleasance to Anthony Hopkins. Has all this Brit villainy impacted my life? Not In the least.
Of course, there's no fun being a member of a minority if you can't whine about prejudice and discrimination. Since The Da Vinci Code villain as a monk as well as an albino, how come we haven't heard from the National Association for the Advancement of Monastic People?
Perhaps it's just not their habit to complain.
|05 — Hillary appeals to Scripture. Back in December the House of
Representatives passed a bill that would make it a felony for a foreigner to be in the U.S. without proper documentation.
Hillary Clinton doesn't like this legislation. She doesn't just not like it, in fact; she thinks it's contrary to Scripture. It would, says Mrs Clinton, literally criminalize the Good Samaritan and probably even Jesus himself.
Literally! Those wicked Republicans making a criminal out of Our Lord.
What you really see here is the unctuous condescension of wealthy liberal Democrats towards their servant classes — the people who clean their pools and mind their children, but who otherwise keep out of their way and live, preferably, over on the other side of town.
It isn't the rights of illegal immigrants Mrs Clinton is concerned about; it's the right of rich folk like herself to have access to a pool of cheap servant labor — people who will work for subminimum wages and won't complain about hours and conditions, and who, if they get citizenship, will vote Democrat.
Appealing to Scripture in order to get votes and cheap servants is rank hypocrisy, a thing Jesus really did have something to say about.
|06 — A self-assertive State Senator. While we're on the topic of lady
Democrats, let me introduce you to Ada Smith.
Ms Smith is a New York State Senator representing a ward in the noble borough of Queens in New York City. Her distinguishing characteristic is that she takes self-assertiveness about as far as it can be taken. She was once subdued with Mace after allegedly biting a cop following a traffic altercation in Brooklyn.
While presiding over weddings in her previous job as a Deputy City Clerk, she was accused of assaulting a female witness with a garbage can lid and of refusing to allow photographs of wedding ceremonies. She was convicted in 2004 of disobeying a state trooper after she failed to stop at a security checkpoint at a parking garage near the capitol.
The aides who work for Ms Smith at the State Senate are subject to relentless bullying. One was threatened with a meat cleaver. Another, just, the other day claims to have had her hair pulled by Senator Smith and then to have had the lady legislator throw a cup of hot coffee in her face.
Needless to say, Ms Smith is something of a celebrity in the liberal Democrat circles she belongs to. She has received numerous awards, notably the National Women's Political Caucus Leadership Award and the NAACP's woman of the year award.
Any chance we could parachute this lady into the Sunni Triangle? One encounter with her and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi would be begging us to take him into protective custody.
|07 — Why only one St Patrick's Day? St Patrick's Day came and went with
the traditional parades,
the traditional wearing of green hats and quaffing of green beer, and the traditional squabbles over whether Irish American homosexuals ought to be
allowed to join the parade under banners saying We're Irish American Homosexuals.
This issue is pretty cut and dried, really. These parades are organized by Roman Catholic groups and the Catholic Church thinks that homosexual acts are sinful. You'd think that that would be the end of it, but no, the stupid thing crops up every year.
Is there any chance we could have two St Paddy's Days, one for the straights, one for the gays? No, no. That wouldn't work. There'd need to be another one for transsexuals. Then polyamorists would want one, and zoophiles, and NAMBLA. Pretty soon every day would be St Paddy's Day — not a bad thing in itself, but likely deleterious to the productivity of the nation's workforce.
|08 — Our continuing infantilization. The city of
Calabasas in southern California has banned smoking outdoors.
The city's new anti-smoking ordinance, the first of its kind in the nation, forbids smoking in city streets, parks, and playgrounds, and in the common areas of apartment buildings.
So the infantilization of the American people continues. Time was the authorities left us alone so long as we didn't rob, kill, embezzle, or incite rebellion. Now they ticket us for smoking in the park.
Bans on the chewing of gum, loud talking, slamming doors, and running in the streets can't be far behind.
|09 — Growing up in Berkeley. A psychologist at the University of California
in Berkeley claims to have shown that whiny, insecure three- and four-year-olds are more likely to grow up to be conservatives, while confident
toddlers grow up to be liberals.
The whiny tots that Professor Jack Block identified back in the 1960s turned, he says, into rigid young adults who hew closely to traditional gender roles and are uncomfortable with ambiguity.
Steve Sailer supplied the correct translation of that: They grow up heterosexual.
Confident female infants, says the professor, grow up to be "outgoing." Yeah, we know what that means.
What a crock! Remember, these are Berkeley kids they were studying. A social, unreflective, go-along type who grows up in Berkeley is going to be a liberal. A crotchety individualist is going to be a conservative. In Utah it would be the other way round.
They get paid for this stuff at UC Berkeley? I'm in the wrong line of work.